I have been off from work for about 9 weeks now. I have LOVED every minute of being home with AJ. Ok, maybe not EVERY minute...there were those times when he peed on me, or cried hysterically in the car, or spit up on my new shirt etc. But, seriously, even the worst moments of being home have been a million times better than the best days at work. I have been finally able to experience doing what I am meant to do - be a mom. But unfortunately, the time is quickly approaching when I have to return to work. I have been DREADING it. I hate to think about being away from AJ even for an hour, let alone a whole work day.
I know he will be well cared for. My mom is going to watch him 2 days/week and the other 3 days he will be in the daycare in the building I work in. I plan on spending lunches with him and checking in whenever I can steal a moment. But it won't be the same. And I will miss him so much. It makes me so sad to think about returning to work and being away from him. What if I miss all the cute, first moments? The first time he rolls over, the first time he laughs out loud? And what about the times when only Mommy's hold calms him? What then? OH!
I know moms face this transition every day. Some moms look forward to spending some time away from their babies and momhood and being able to be with adults in the workplace. Some moms are "ok", not great, but "ok" with returning to work. Then there are others like me, who just HATE the idea of it.
Today is my last Monday to enjoy being home with him for the whole day. I had thought about going to visit some friends or running errands with him, but decided I just wanted to enjoy our last Monday together at home.
Next Monday I have to go to work for one day, and then the following Monday and Friday, and then I am back full-time on 10/6/08. UUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Maybe it won't be as bad as I am expecting. Maybe the adjustment will be smooth and everyone will be fine and dandy. Or maybe I will cry in my car every morning driving to work, away from my son :-(
Guess I will just have to focus on the morning smiles to get me through the work day, and then the smiles I get when he sees me at the end of the work day. Looking forward to those smiles will get me through and seeing his face will wipe away any and all stress I may have felt during the day away from him...
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4 comments:
Very true what you said at the end. Oh and you will cry - doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself, it is still hard. What worked for me was I was so busy my first night back to work, I barely had time to do anything else.
((HUGS)) The thing I keep in mind is making the time we spend together at night and in the morning count. I have dishes in my sink and laundry to do, but those things can wait, my boys have things to experience and I am going to experience them with them! Crying is natural, you are a loving Mommy, I cry at the end of vacations and the end of summer...just remember his little face will be looking for YOU at the end of the day!
ugh...been there been there been there. i totally feel for you!! its so incredibly hard, especially the first few weeks. ok, months. my advice is to spend alot of time with the daycare center in your building getting to know the caregivers and all the procedures. ask a million questions! bring in all his extra clothes/blankets/bottles in a few days early so on that first day, you can focus just on him and everything else will be set. both doug and i cried so hard leaving each of the boys. both ryan and nathan were just fine, it was the two of us who were a mess. =) anyway, ENJOY these last few weeks!! dont do errands! just cuddle your little sweetie! love ya. -al
No denying it...it really stinks! It does get easier, but it still hurts. Big hugs to you. I hope your day is so incredibly busy that it just flies by.
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