I just wanted to let you all know that we have started the process to adopt again. We started another blog about our journey to our next baby. Feel free to visit that blog as well. The address is www.wewant2adopt2.blogspot.com (the link is actually above the posts here). We will continue with this blog but this one will be dedicated to Alex topics whereas the new one will be focussed on our road to the next baby.
Thanks for your support!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Son versus Adopted Son - RRRGGGHHH!!!
I can't seem to shake something. Every so often someone says something inappropriate or I read something that I find offensive regarding adoption. Most of the time I can just brush it off and chalk it up to ignorance or whatever and I see it as a teaching opportunity. But sometimes these things just resignate with me.....
Yesterday I had to update my personal information in a database at work. This included things like address, doctor info, emergency contacts etc. There is also a page on children. I typed in Alex's name and DOB and then I clicked on the drop-down arrow after that. The choices were as follows:
-Adopted Daughter
-Adopted Son
-Daughter
-Son
-Foster Daughter
-Foster Son
-Stepdaughter
-Stepson
WHAT??????!!!!!! Seriously?!
This is not the first time I've run into this. 1st there was when we were trying to add Alex to our insurance prior to bringing him home. I called our insurance company and, being all excited and wanted to brag about our new blessing, I told them we were adopting and bringing home our son the next day. I got the run around, transferred several times and then finally disconnected. All bc they didn't know how to handle adding a child who was coming to us thru adoption. I was so frustrated, so when I called back I simply said that I needed to add our son to our insurance. That was so much easier and my request was immediately fulfilled. Ridiculous.
The 2nd time happened last year when I was changing our insurance coverage through the automative system at work. There was a section to list family members who would be covered under the new policy. You had to put their name and then chose the title from a drop-down box. Once again for child, it had all the options above.
It just irritates me bc there is NO REASON why that distinction is necessary. I know that I can just select "son" and leave it at that. But it just doesn't sit well with me. Yes, we adopted Alex. But he is OUR SON. I can't imagine any reason why the option of "adopted child" is even there. It can't be for a legal reason bc legally he is our son. It just goes against the positive adoptive language that we all know is right.....For instance it is appropriate to say that we adopted Alex, or that he WAS adopted, but is is not appropriate to say that he IS adopted. He IS our son! I can't help but think that the distinction alludes that a child that was adopted is not equal to a biological child; that they are on different levels or something. I have also seen this on the other end - on news programs and even at work, when a parent is introduced or described as the adoptive parents, rather than just parent. Why is that distinction necessary? My fear is that someday Alex is going to be faced with that option and what that communicates to him. Maybe only parents that have been blessed with a child thru adoption can understand. But this is just wrong! And I plan on bringing this to someone's attention.
Yesterday I had to update my personal information in a database at work. This included things like address, doctor info, emergency contacts etc. There is also a page on children. I typed in Alex's name and DOB and then I clicked on the drop-down arrow after that. The choices were as follows:
-Adopted Daughter
-Adopted Son
-Daughter
-Son
-Foster Daughter
-Foster Son
-Stepdaughter
-Stepson
WHAT??????!!!!!! Seriously?!
This is not the first time I've run into this. 1st there was when we were trying to add Alex to our insurance prior to bringing him home. I called our insurance company and, being all excited and wanted to brag about our new blessing, I told them we were adopting and bringing home our son the next day. I got the run around, transferred several times and then finally disconnected. All bc they didn't know how to handle adding a child who was coming to us thru adoption. I was so frustrated, so when I called back I simply said that I needed to add our son to our insurance. That was so much easier and my request was immediately fulfilled. Ridiculous.
The 2nd time happened last year when I was changing our insurance coverage through the automative system at work. There was a section to list family members who would be covered under the new policy. You had to put their name and then chose the title from a drop-down box. Once again for child, it had all the options above.
It just irritates me bc there is NO REASON why that distinction is necessary. I know that I can just select "son" and leave it at that. But it just doesn't sit well with me. Yes, we adopted Alex. But he is OUR SON. I can't imagine any reason why the option of "adopted child" is even there. It can't be for a legal reason bc legally he is our son. It just goes against the positive adoptive language that we all know is right.....For instance it is appropriate to say that we adopted Alex, or that he WAS adopted, but is is not appropriate to say that he IS adopted. He IS our son! I can't help but think that the distinction alludes that a child that was adopted is not equal to a biological child; that they are on different levels or something. I have also seen this on the other end - on news programs and even at work, when a parent is introduced or described as the adoptive parents, rather than just parent. Why is that distinction necessary? My fear is that someday Alex is going to be faced with that option and what that communicates to him. Maybe only parents that have been blessed with a child thru adoption can understand. But this is just wrong! And I plan on bringing this to someone's attention.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Changed my mind about Find My Family
I was a fan of the "Find My Family" show....initially. But I have to say I am very disappointed with the way ABC decided to present these searches.....the language they use and the focus is offensive to adoptive families. And I am saying this as an adoptive mom who knows the value of my son's birth family, who sees his birth family as an extended part of our family(even though we don't know them all) and will support him if he chooses to find or have a relationship with them. While I believe in the premise of the show, I think ABC could have done a much better job at presenting it in a way that is respective to both the birth and adoptive families, as well as the children/adult adoptees involved. There's my final 2 cents ;-)
Monday, December 7, 2009
ABC's Find My Family
When I 1st heard about this show I wasn't sure what to think of it. AFter watching it for the 1st time last week, I have to say that OVERALL. I think they did a good job at NOT being offensive to either birth or adoptive parents. The fact that, in our case, AJ has another family is just that - a FACT. It is not something that we are threatened by or feel insure about. We have a semi-open adoption with his birthmom and hope that one day he may even have a relationship with her and his other birth family. His birth family is a part of who he is - and the way we see it is they are an extended part of our family. From what I've seen so far, none of the adult adoptees were looking to replace their family, just connect with their first families, help get answers etc. That's not a bad thing. Adoptive parents have to feel secure in their role and know that they are "mom" and "dad". If AJ wants to search out his birth family one day, we will be there by his side to help him. ABC just has to be careful in some of the language they use so as to be less offensive to all viewers. Just my two cents.....
Life is Good
Life sure is good! Busy, but good. Wonderful, actually.
We went on vacation in November. First we went to Florida to visit with Jay's dad and step-mom. AJ got to open his 1st Christmas presents for this year. His grandparents wanted to be able to enjoy seeing him get their gifts. This part of our vacation was exactly what we needed - we got lots of rest and a chance to catch up AJ's grandparents. It was really wonderful.
Then we all went to Disney, which was also wonderful. Well, except for the fact that Jay got REALLY sick for a couple of days. Still, he was a trooper and we all had a good time. At 1st, AJ was not a big fan of the characters. Well, I take that back. He LOVED seeing them from afar and would get so excited and point and yell. But the 1st time he met Mickey he kinda whacked him in the face. And at Chef Mickey's Character breakfast, as soon as they approached him, this is what we got:
Soon we realized that if we approached the characters 1st, AJ was MUCH better with them. So for the rest of the vacation, that is what we did. And we got much better pics:
After a couple of days in Orlando the 3 of us went on our very 1st cruise. It was a Disney cruise to the Bahamas. Despite the fact that the weather could have been a bit better and the water a bit more calm (especially that 1st night!) it was a wonderful experience. We really enjoyed ourselves and watching AJ explore and dance and experience the ship.
AJ was absolutely wonderful on the entire vacation. He even did really well on the plane. We really are so blessed to have such an easy going baby - although our "baby" is growing up. Even as I typed "baby" I reconsidered typing "son" or "kid" instead. I will say that once we got back from vacation, AJ changed a bit. He is MUCH more independent now, which is fun to see, but also makes me sad too. He no longer holds my finger when I pick him up from daycare. And he sorta walks around like Mr. Big Shot now ;-) Still, he is VERY free with his hugs and kisses which I soak up! I hope those don't stop anytime soon (or EVER!).
We closed on our house when we returned from vacation and while it's going to be awhile until it is exactly how we want it, it already feels like home. AJ and the dogs seem to really like having more space to run around and play. And Jay and I love not being so crammed anymore. I can't wait for our whole family to be able to gather for holidays and get togethers. And I look forward to kids' parties, sleepovers, fires outside, etc. And yes, I did say "kids" - plural. Someday we hope to adopt again. The day that we start that process is getting closer.
Like I said - LIFE IS GOOD!
We went on vacation in November. First we went to Florida to visit with Jay's dad and step-mom. AJ got to open his 1st Christmas presents for this year. His grandparents wanted to be able to enjoy seeing him get their gifts. This part of our vacation was exactly what we needed - we got lots of rest and a chance to catch up AJ's grandparents. It was really wonderful.
Then we all went to Disney, which was also wonderful. Well, except for the fact that Jay got REALLY sick for a couple of days. Still, he was a trooper and we all had a good time. At 1st, AJ was not a big fan of the characters. Well, I take that back. He LOVED seeing them from afar and would get so excited and point and yell. But the 1st time he met Mickey he kinda whacked him in the face. And at Chef Mickey's Character breakfast, as soon as they approached him, this is what we got:
Soon we realized that if we approached the characters 1st, AJ was MUCH better with them. So for the rest of the vacation, that is what we did. And we got much better pics:
After a couple of days in Orlando the 3 of us went on our very 1st cruise. It was a Disney cruise to the Bahamas. Despite the fact that the weather could have been a bit better and the water a bit more calm (especially that 1st night!) it was a wonderful experience. We really enjoyed ourselves and watching AJ explore and dance and experience the ship. 
AJ was absolutely wonderful on the entire vacation. He even did really well on the plane. We really are so blessed to have such an easy going baby - although our "baby" is growing up. Even as I typed "baby" I reconsidered typing "son" or "kid" instead. I will say that once we got back from vacation, AJ changed a bit. He is MUCH more independent now, which is fun to see, but also makes me sad too. He no longer holds my finger when I pick him up from daycare. And he sorta walks around like Mr. Big Shot now ;-) Still, he is VERY free with his hugs and kisses which I soak up! I hope those don't stop anytime soon (or EVER!).We closed on our house when we returned from vacation and while it's going to be awhile until it is exactly how we want it, it already feels like home. AJ and the dogs seem to really like having more space to run around and play. And Jay and I love not being so crammed anymore. I can't wait for our whole family to be able to gather for holidays and get togethers. And I look forward to kids' parties, sleepovers, fires outside, etc. And yes, I did say "kids" - plural. Someday we hope to adopt again. The day that we start that process is getting closer.
Like I said - LIFE IS GOOD!
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